“The great question that has never been answered, and that I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is : what does a woman want?” Freud. “Me.” Horsley. Oh yes they do. Asked if they would have sex with me, 99% of British women replied “Never again.” And do I believe in Fidelity? You bet baby. I’m not having one of my girls sleeping with anyone else. Of course I have a reputation as a misogynist. This it is simply not true. The fact is that what we gentleman would like to do when we see a good interesting woman is fuck her or kill her and we should not make any bones about that. For example, if I could get two beautiful, buxom women, chainsaw them in half, throw away the legs, the voice boxes, the genitals (all the useless bits) then sew them together at the waist, so that I could fuck one in the face while I gobbled the other’s tits, then I would do it. I would keep this “thing” in a stable chained to a wall on a bed of straw and feed it Kitty cat, beating it on special occasions.
But these days, dear reader, you are not even allowed to hit one!
In fact you are not allowed to hit anyone anymore. Of course, I don’t approve of smacking children - I just use a cattle prod. But if you are allowed to smack children you should be allowed to smack geriatrics as well, because they are just as much of a nuisance as children.
In fact a lot more. I hate old people. I hate them so much that I am going to start a new charity called “FUCK THE AGED”. And why not? I mean, look at them, babbling away to themselves, wasting tax payers’ money on heating, rotting on valuable pavement space - and holding me up at the shop till ... WHY DO THEY NEVER HAVE THEIR FUCKING MONEY OUT WHEN THEY GET TO THE FUCKING TILL? To the workhouse with you all - go away and die of hypothermia.
Old cunts should be taxed to the hilt. They’ve spent half their fucking lives picking fights with Germany, started two World Wars, and then they expect to sit back and get cheap central heating while we sort out the bloody mess they're got the country into.
Fucking old people make me puke. Walking around like that just to save on funeral expenses. I just want to invite them all on a lemming package holiday to Europe, via Beachey head.
Well there we are. We think that laughter is the best medicine which is perhaps why everyone is dying of cancer. Good.
Actually, I am told that women find men who have a fine sense of humour extremely sexy. I am always making women laugh. But they never say : “Oh stop it, you’re killing me. Take off all your clothes and give it to me you dirty bastard,“ See - you’re laughing now. But you won’t come down to 7 Meard Street (Black bell) and fuck me until my teeth rattle, will you? No, you’ll just sit there on your mountainous bottoms, with your pointless enthusiasms, saying things like: “Oh men, they have a one-track mind.” Well, let me tell you something girls. It’s better than having a no-track mind like you lot. Indeed, in the entire history of the world the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman’s mouth is my cock. I have to say writing this has given my a fucking hard on. It is said that lust is an enemy to the purse and a foe to the conscience. Just as well I’m rich and amoral then isn’t it? Right, that’s it. I’ve had enough of this bollocks. I’m off to the brothel to get a good housemaids wank. I’m off to see my favourite Serbian whore. Her name? Sloberdownmycockyoubitch.
