Features LONDONER'S DIARY
BY STANDARD REPORTER
16 February 2009
The Evening Standard
PICTURE THE REVOLTING DANDY
IT SEEMS Sebastian Horsley is to be a dandy on celluloid now that his scabrous no-holds-barred autobiography, Dandy in the Underworld, has been optioned by Stephen Fry's Sprout Films. Horsley's memoir was widely regarded to be one of the most revolting of recent times, and only last year he was thrown out of America on grounds of moral turpitude. He is delighted at the news, claiming that: 'Turning your book into a movie is like turning your daughter over to a pimp. Fun.'
This is despite his reservations about making the film in the UK. 'British films are usually awful,' he tells me. 'They are as boring as life in England really is. The Americans make movies, the French make films, the English make adverts.' The artist, who is perhaps best known for crucifying himself while being filmed by Sarah Lucas, likes to be the centre of attention so will he play himself? 'God no, I'd be completely miscast. It will have to be Robert Downey Jr. He is perfect. He is from the methadone school of acting. And if he is not available, I guess it will have to be Bruce Forsyth.'
Downey? Not enough of a dish, frankly. It'll be awfully hard to match your ludicrously wicked smile...
Posted by: Louise | February 17, 2009 at 09:12 PM
Fabulous.
Posted by: Suzy | February 18, 2009 at 02:16 PM
Haha "methadone school of acting", you do amuse me with your words. I just saw your guide to whoring online by the way, quite right about the girls who charge silly amounts of money to sleep with them, I've met so many ugly girls in this industry, they appear ugly to me because they are so far up their own arse they reek of the shit that comes out of their mouths sometimes. These girls obviously don't have any business sense either because surely overpricing yourself means you actually end up earning far less money than the more realistic and down to earth whores
www.jmfemmefatale.blogspot.com
Posted by: Jo Majesty | March 09, 2009 at 06:24 PM
There is only one man for the part...I've told you before Sebastianus!
Resurrect the bones of Dirk Bogarde and get Ray Harryhausen to animate them. That my friend will be a fitting tribute to you.
Yours etc
DGS xx
Posted by: David Graham Scott | March 11, 2009 at 02:16 PM
Fantastic news, well done Sebastian!
Paul Bettany I think.
Posted by: James | March 13, 2009 at 05:55 PM
Dearest Sebastian,
Where do you stay when you are in Paris? We're going there in May and trying to find something seedy but clean. As I do in so many different situations, I asked myself, 'what would Sebastian do?'
Your general thoughts on what an enterprising lady and her gentleman ought to do with 3 days in Paris would also be appreciated.
Many thanks,
Trubbleclef
Posted by: Trubbleclef | March 26, 2009 at 10:59 PM
Seeing as how I have read your poorly written excuse for a book numerous times ... and also arranged a party for your god forsaken club, I would appreciate a text message so that I might have the opportunity of buying you a drink and insulting you in person.
please get in touch you c*nt .. 07734 580 024
Callum
Posted by: Callum | April 04, 2009 at 02:10 AM
I have been sending the link for this blog to everyone I know, even my mom! Delightful, funny, and above all wickedly honest.
Posted by: Violette Dew | June 24, 2009 at 05:29 PM
See, what I want to know dear Sebastian, apart from the other blokes, is what stock you invested your petty cash into after you took that 6 week crash course on investing. You've inspired me to read up on the subject, and I'm quite glad that I did. Your book was a prime influence, that and Wolf's Vanity Fair, but then again, you're really all the vanity fair one needs! So you can count my finanical literacy and retirement savings plan as part of your not-so-notorious and nefarious accomplishments.
Posted by: Emily (not the lemon-yellow hieress mess Emily) | July 27, 2009 at 01:18 AM
p.s. whoops, my apologies to the literate - I meant Bonfire of the Vanities. Large flames, circus events; they're all the same to me.
Posted by: Emily (not the lemon-yellow hieress mess Emily) | July 27, 2009 at 01:22 AM
"revolting of recent times" I like.
Would love to see a film made of "Thongs" by Carmenicita de las lunas(Alexander Trocci).
Anyways not sure of Robert Downey Jnr. Johnny Depp, Ralph Fiennes even Gary Oldman could play around with the part.
Posted by: crista carter | August 22, 2009 at 04:32 PM