ANY MOVIE, EVEN THE WORST, IS BETTER THAN REAL LIFE.

Features

LONDONER'S DIARY

BY STANDARD REPORTER

16 February 2009

The Evening Standard

PICTURE THE REVOLTING DANDY

IT SEEMS Sebastian Horsley is to be a dandy on celluloid now that his scabrous no-holds-barred autobiography, Dandy in the Underworld, has been optioned by Stephen Fry's Sprout Films. Horsley's memoir was widely regarded to be one of the most revolting of recent times, and only last year he was thrown out of America on grounds of moral turpitude. He is delighted at the news, claiming that: 'Turning your book into a movie is like turning your daughter over to a pimp. Fun.'

This is despite his reservations about making the film in the UK. 'British films are usually awful,' he tells me. 'They are as boring as life in England really is. The Americans make movies, the French make films, the English make adverts.' The artist, who is perhaps best known for crucifying himself while being filmed by Sarah Lucas, likes to be the centre of attention so will he play himself? 'God no, I'd be completely miscast. It will have to be Robert Downey Jr. He is perfect. He is from the methadone school of acting. And if he is not available, I guess it will have to be Bruce Forsyth.'

 

Comments

[Louise]

Downey? Not enough of a dish, frankly. It'll be awfully hard to match your ludicrously wicked smile...

[Suzy]

Fabulous.

[Jo Majesty]

Haha "methadone school of acting", you do amuse me with your words. I just saw your guide to whoring online by the way, quite right about the girls who charge silly amounts of money to sleep with them, I've met so many ugly girls in this industry, they appear ugly to me because they are so far up their own arse they reek of the shit that comes out of their mouths sometimes. These girls obviously don't have any business sense either because surely overpricing yourself means you actually end up earning far less money than the more realistic and down to earth whores

www.jmfemmefatale.blogspot.com

[David Graham Scott]

There is only one man for the part...I've told you before Sebastianus!
Resurrect the bones of Dirk Bogarde and get Ray Harryhausen to animate them. That my friend will be a fitting tribute to you.

Yours etc

DGS xx

[James]

Fantastic news, well done Sebastian!

Paul Bettany I think.

[Trubbleclef]

Dearest Sebastian,

Where do you stay when you are in Paris? We're going there in May and trying to find something seedy but clean. As I do in so many different situations, I asked myself, 'what would Sebastian do?'

Your general thoughts on what an enterprising lady and her gentleman ought to do with 3 days in Paris would also be appreciated.

Many thanks,

Trubbleclef

[Callum]

Seeing as how I have read your poorly written excuse for a book numerous times ... and also arranged a party for your god forsaken club, I would appreciate a text message so that I might have the opportunity of buying you a drink and insulting you in person.

please get in touch you c*nt .. 07734 580 024

Callum

[Violette Dew]

I have been sending the link for this blog to everyone I know, even my mom! Delightful, funny, and above all wickedly honest.

[Emily (not the lemon-yellow hieress mess Emily)]

See, what I want to know dear Sebastian, apart from the other blokes, is what stock you invested your petty cash into after you took that 6 week crash course on investing. You've inspired me to read up on the subject, and I'm quite glad that I did. Your book was a prime influence, that and Wolf's Vanity Fair, but then again, you're really all the vanity fair one needs! So you can count my finanical literacy and retirement savings plan as part of your not-so-notorious and nefarious accomplishments.

[Emily (not the lemon-yellow hieress mess Emily)]

p.s. whoops, my apologies to the literate - I meant Bonfire of the Vanities. Large flames, circus events; they're all the same to me.

[crista carter]

"revolting of recent times" I like.

Would love to see a film made of "Thongs" by Carmenicita de las lunas(Alexander Trocci).

Anyways not sure of Robert Downey Jnr. Johnny Depp, Ralph Fiennes even Gary Oldman could play around with the part.

[order drugs]

Great news.. Great job Sebastian..

[Jack]

So are you dead, or what? You've dropped off the face of the earth by no longer writing in this blog, and nobody is going to keep looking at you.

[オテモヤン]

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[オテモヤン]

http://oppao.net/n-ona/
http://oppao.net/navi/
http://oppao.net/new-d2/
http://oppao.net/fd3/
http://oppao.net/soap2/
http://oppao.net/bg2/
http://oppao.net/host2/
http://oppao.net/lesson2/
http://oppao.net/op2/
http://oppao.net/fl3/
http://oppao.net/bb2/
http://oppao.net/s-este/
http://oppao.net/rd2/
http://oppao.net/kawa/
http://oppao.net/n-club2/
http://s-auc.net/

[Alexia Dowdall]

Throwing stones at your window is tiresome.

Can you email back?

Alexia. x

[Rose]

As an artist myself, i feel that the crucifying is very interesting, and you cant really do paintings of things, or do art projects on things in general unless you experience it, for my University project i became a stripper

[Tony O'Neill]

Rest in peace, Sebastian. I am heartbroken today.

Your pal,

Tony

[Lilly]

Quite terrible news, too sad for more words

[Tim Taylor]

Excellent obituary here:

http://www.mylazysundays.com

[Lexi]

You will be missed.

A
x

[Clair]

DON'T click on the Mylazysundays link; ironically, it's porno spam...

[Andy]

Funny how there's a comment from January 21 saying "So are you dead, or what?"

[James]

You were the most incredibly articulate, wittiest person I think I ever met. I suspect that many of those fortunate enough to have met you would wholeheartedly agree. The world is so much poorer for your demise.

[humphrey handbag]

RIP horseley. the world is less without you.